WHODUNNKNIT
BBC Scarfgate Scarf of Doom
This scarf was knitted on BBC Breakfast News live, and in the green room, on January 11th 2012 in less than 3 hours. It caused so much controversy in the online aftermath that the internet nearly imploded in woolly horror. It has been described as "truly hideous", "enough to put anyone off knitting for life" and "the fugliest scarf ever". In the wake of its knitting, the knitter's mental health, knitting credentials, needle holding, appearance, tension, and intelligence have been questioned by total strangers. This is a scarf to be reckoned with. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the pattern to make that scarf.
Gubbins
· Yarn: Five random colours from your stash chosen at 9pm the night before knitting. No shopping allowed. (I used 4 balls of eye-gougingly bright yarn in DK acrylic and two balls of whitish aran yarn. The bright yarn was actually mill knit into i-cord but you can get the same thickness by holding four strands together) · The biggest knitting needles you have (I used 10.5mm knitting needles because I could only find one of my 25mm ones. Curses.) · A television studio, two presenters, eight cameras and millions of viewers (optional - if you can't get on live TV just pretend by putting the news on and nodding and smiling at it occasionally while youknit)
Size
As much as you can knit in 2.5 hours. Gauge: you must be kidding.
Skills you'll need
Knitting. The ability to be interviewed on live National TV while you knit. Tea drinking. Staying awake. Cast on 10 stitches as fast as you can at 6.10am. Stripe 1: Knit 5 rows in first bright colour Stripe 2: Change to white yarn Knit 5 10 rows Repeat stripe 1 and 2, alternating your bright colours for approximately 2.5 hours, interspersed with talking about knitting and how popular it has become. Don't forget to smile. stop knitting halfway through to advise the make-up lady on a vintage knit she is makin Cast off at the end of a bright coloured row and darn in ends. Lauren O'Farrell. Not for commercial use.
Finishing
Hand the scarf to production staff for them to decide which of the two people who asked for it gets to take it home (if you don't have production staff you can use cats with wigs on). Go home and have a well deserved cup of tea. You knit something fantabulous in an amazingly awkward situation. Be proud. Have a nap. You've been up since 4.30am!
Advice for knitters that worry about what people think
· Knitting is about the woolly love between people, as well as between us and our sticks and string. Someone can make the most beautiful lah dee dah Icelandic colourwork jumper of loveliness you like, but if the person knitting it doesn't have the warmth inside they will never make up for it no matter how fancy they knit. Warm and well-knitted jumpers don't make a warm heart. You just end up cosy and mean. Like some kind of angry yeti. · Knitters are the most amazing, supportive, open-minded, helpful and generous people I know. They are creative, accepting and inspiring people. And they also know how to laugh till tea comes out of their noses (but not in a way that belittles others). Life is too short to look down on your fellow fibre-flingers. Try to make sure you are one of the knitters who loves life. It's a much nicer way to knit. ° 99.9% of knitters are fantastic human beings. The other 0.01% are dropping a few stitches in the fabric of happiness. It is not a look I would choose myself. But I if it works for them there you are. · It doesn't matter how you knit, or what you knit, or where you knit it. You're fantabulous because you are a creator. Be proud of everything you knit, because no matter what you end up with the fact is that you created it with your own two hands and it's bloody marvellous that you did. Bonus points if you get other people knitting too. Soon, my woolly friends, we will cover the world...
I Knitting is for everyone.l Yes, even you.
This pattern is dedicated to all the lovely knitters and non-knitters who sent such nice words of support when 'Scarfgate' kicked Loff. You're the best advert for knitting ever.
